When Mom passed away a sweet friend sent me a card and told me to expect the “waves”. Her Mother unexpectedly passed away suddenly a few years ago – she understood what it meant to lose a Mother and grief in general.
Grief is like waves in an ocean. Your sitting by the ocean, it’s a beautiful day, everything is going smoothly that BAM…out of nowhere a grief wave crashes into you and pulls you under. No warning. And can happen at the strangest times and the most inappropriate places. I get up, pull my swimsuit from out of my butt, re-adjust everything and carry on.
I know. I should just move on. My parents both had full lives. They are not in pain anymore, suffering, or lonely. But I still just miss my parents.
It’s been a tough week. My Mom’s birthday was the other day – she would have been 80. I took her blue flowers…I knew she would have hated them but my Daddy would have liked them. As I chuckle under my breath.My Daddy’s death certificate came today. That’s like the final good-bye in away. The bank has a “hold” on his account because they have been notified of his death but there are still some checks floating out there. I have to get up early in the morning to get the death certificate to the bank so they can unfreeze the account…that could be a mess. I have had major issues with the funeral home messing up my Daddy’s birthday, charging me $250.00 for an obituary that was never posted and…well – there it is…another wave of grief.
It’s hardest at 9:00am and 10:00pm. I would always call Mom in the morning and Daddy at night…of course I would talk to them or see them during the day but I was always checking on them.
March is my magic month.
If I can just make it to March.
I have Christina’s 4th birthday this weekend, Ashley’s 21st birthday next weekend, then my birthday and then the one year anniversary of my Mother’s passing.
Spring will be here.
And hopefully I won’t be setting so close to the ocean.